please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
