Banned from zoo.
Again?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
