Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
