drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
