I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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