We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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