also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
