I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
