I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize