somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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