Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
