she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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