My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
