So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
