i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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