My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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