She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
