I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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