I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
