I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
