I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
