so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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