I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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