I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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