Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
