Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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