I wish I only lived at night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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