I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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