'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
