Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
