Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
