I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
