I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
