We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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