i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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