I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
