well you can't waste a boner
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
