youre lurking in front of me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
