We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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