good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize