I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
