I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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