i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
