just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
