Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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