mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
