let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just googled if crying burns calories
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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