Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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