I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
