I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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