Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
tell me about the eggs
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
