Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
