we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
