Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
