So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
