i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
