Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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