what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
