I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I want a musical about memes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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