How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
