Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
