How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
