Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
