sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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