Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
