it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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