shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
