We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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