i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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