I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
