eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
