Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
