Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
